A week ago one of my friends asked a question that i thought was worth discussing. He inquired about how to overcome fears which pop up at times - even if everything is going good.

In fact it is not an easy question to answer considering that it differs for every person. There are actually thousands of books that have been written on that topic alone. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.

Exactly what are gradients? Gradients are just like steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you may fail. If you keep trying it again and again you will start building up a "complex" about failing, and soon stop trying anymore.

If you try to leap up five or six steps in your first attempt, it will also be frightening - not necessarily impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.

The right approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most secure method to climb a ladder.

Below are a few examples of how I apply that to get over fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:

As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be especially scary. Therefore I am approaching a good looking woman in a party, instead of telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am fascinated by her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of many people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will discover a means to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of others.

If I am starting to date a girl and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to chill, get cozy, and just watch TV at my home. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and then to find out how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.

These are some examples. Whenever you feel uncomfortable and scared simply try to consider a lower gradient which isn't as frightening and allows you to make forward progress toward your ultimate goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and how to relate to them in a short time.

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